


To catch a heart

by blondhandsomestranger



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-04-26 17:44:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5014057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondhandsomestranger/pseuds/blondhandsomestranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Spike is brought back from the dead, Buffy gets a second chance to express her feelings. She just needs to figure out how. Post Buffy tv series, AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**To catch a heart**

**Disclaimer** : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
I’m just someone with a secret obsession with Spuffy and the creativity to play around with it ;)

* * *

Buffy had just gotten back from her patrol. She was slightly sore, nothing major though. There’s nothing like in-between-Apocalypses to make a girl glad. Then again, after the fall of Sunnydale and Spike’s death, there wasn’t much more that could cause her pure, despairingly grief.

She chastised herself for the thought: she jinxed it, now definitely something worse would come and kill all the remaining important people in her life.

A loud ringing made her jump. Oh God, maybe she really jinxed it! She went to the kitchen and answered the phone. Stupid, stupid Buffy!

“Buffy?” – Gee, why couldn’t it have been a prank call? No, the harbinger of bad news himself had to be on the other side of the line.

“Hey Angel.”

“Hi.”

“You alright?”

“Yeah… uhn, listen…”

Buffy closed her eyes. So much for small talk, let’s get right into more apocalyptic subjects… She forced herself to be pragmatic and push back the fear: it was expected of her.

“How bad? Go ahead, I can take it. What’s the next Doomsday threat?”

“Actually, it’s about Spike.”

“Wha…” - her heart tightened – “what about Spike?”

“He’s back.”

 _WHAT?!_ was her first thought. Gladly, her mind hadn’t translated it into words. Shock and a great amount of hope she was afraid to feel kept her from saying anything.

Breathing in and out, she slowly regained her ability to speak. Tears of happiness, hope and fear started to prick her eyes. She couldn’t shed them, couldn’t allow herself until she was sure she heard it right. Carefully, she chose her next words.

“What do you mean ‘he’s back’?” she questioned him warily, dreading the answer while asking. It was just her luck that a new evil would use Spike just to toy with and torture her.

“I dropped the amulet and he resurrected.”

“Oh.”

She gave a low yet hysteric laugh and her tears started falling.

It was… silly, so very silly. No Big Bad? No Armageddon? Just her loved one back? She couldn’t believe it.

“Yeah.” Angel had expected her disbelief: it was a simplistic and stupid resurrection if he knew one.

“Where is he?”

“Staying at the Hyperion with me” he said, reluctantly. He wasn’t happy about telling her, but he remembered how desolated she was when he died. She never said a word, but he knew. He pushed her away and she had finally fallen for someone else. Someone he hated.

“I’m coming.”

“Buffy, there’s this thing…”

 _Incorporeal_. Of course he had to be _incorporeal_ , she thought. But then again, she was expecting something worse. She got mad when Angel told her Spike didn’t want her to know he was back. So, an incorporeal idiot…

Well, she could work with that.

A couple of minutes later, Buffy hung up the phone. She had barely managed to control the string of tears running across her face, although she believed to have succeeded in keeping her voice as unaffected as she could while talking to Angel.

When Dawn showed up, however, that was another thing entirely.

“Buffy, what’s wrong?”

One look into her little sister’s eyes and she started crying like a child, sobbing, unable to form a single word. Dawn hugged her.

“Shh, Buffy, calm down. What happened?”

“S-spike…”

Her voice broken, Buffy took the time to breathe. Before continuing, she noticed the sad look on Dawn’s face – they both missed him so much.

“Dawn, Spike’s back.”

“ _What?!_ ”

“The bleached and obnoxious vampire called Spike” she said, sniveling. “Well, he’s back.”

“Oh my God… Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod!” Dawn’s eyes gleamed with surprise as she processed the news.

“Yeah… Apparently, my boyfriends just can’t stay dead. Must be one of the perks of being a slayer, you know, along with super strength and fast healing,” she joked. “Too bad the dental care plan sucks” – she furrowed her brows then smiled, the tears still glistening in her face. Dawn smiled back.

“Where is he?”

“In L.A. with Angel.”

“I’ll pack my bags. Five minutes!”

“Dawn, listen. I think I should go alone this time.”

“No way!”

“Well, you see, he’s incorporeal.”

“Oh,” Dawn took a few seconds to process the information. “Okay, so I can’t hug him. No biggie.”

“And he didn’t want us to know he’s back.”

Dawn looked hurt… and angry. “How can he do this to me?”

“To us. And good question. But I promise you this: I’m gonna find a way to get his body back, then I’ll kick his ass all the way over here…”

***

Spike was really annoyed, his lack of body getting to him. Sure, it has its advantages: he could annoy Angel endlessly without the ponce being able to do a thing about it. But the inability to use electronics and appliances? Not so fun. Especially since he’d kill for a hot chocolate and a little entertainment.

He noticed Angel’s presence before the other vampire opened the door to the room. Except for touch, all his other senses remained keen – well, he couldn’t really know about taste, since it was bloody impossible to get any blood or food not to go through him. Being a ghost sucked big time.

“Well, finally!”

“Hey Spike.”

“Could’ve at least left the tellie on! Wouldn’t have threatened your post as World’s Biggest Wanker to do something nice, you know? You’ve got plenty to compensate.”

“Shut up, Spike. It’s been a long day…”

“Yeah, tell _me_ about it! I’m the one who’s stuck in here…” Spike’s whine was cut in half by a sweet fragrance: vanilla and mint. His eyes darted to the door and he stared at it transfixed, waiting for it to open. It didn’t though. Confused, he looked at his sire. Angel’s nervous yet not surprised look was also fixated at the door. It dawned on him then: she’s was here to see _him_.

“Oh bloody hell!” Angel’s eyes met his.

“Spike, listen to me…”

“Oh, you don’t get to get all cozy with the Slayer while I’m around!”

“Excuse me?” confusion hit him. Angel had expected a bad reaction from Spike, but what the hell was he saying?

“Oh, that’s bloody marvelous! Leave it to Angelus to find the perfect torture to kick me when I’m down! But just you start with your longing and suffering looks over her and you’ll be dust as soon as I regain my body. Do. You. Understand?”

“Spike…”

Buffy had been facing the door for a whole minute now. On her way over, she played the scene a million times in her head. She had been angry, sarcastic, funny, even caring. There was a different reaction in each scenario in her head, some seemed stupid, some awkward, many were filled with emotion. The one she didn’t predict was the one where she couldn’t bring herself to _open_ the door. Or knock, for that matter. Hell, even kicking it down would’ve been better. This scenario would probably need a category of its own: ridiculous! Too bad this was actually the _real_ one.

Ok, maybe kicking it down was better. She took a deep breath and chickened out, going for opening instead – she really didn’t want to become the center of attention this time. Not when she was an emotional mess.

The two vampires turned towards her and stopped arguing. Yeah, so much for a discreet entrance, she thought. She kept her eyes on Angel, not daring to look at Spike.

“Buffy.”

“Hi Angel.”

Spike cast a hurt look at her. He died for her, and yet she still fell all over Peaches!

As if reading his mind, she turned her head towards him, taking him in.

“Spike.”

“Slayer” he said nonchalantly. His very blue eyes betrayed his tone: he was so glad to see her. He looked down, concealing his emotions.

It took all of her strength to hold back her tears. She was so very angry and so very happy that her heart seemed like it would break into several pieces. Both feelings commanded her to touch him, either violently or tenderly. Knowing it was not an option didn’t prevent her from taking a step in his direction.

Her unexpected movement made Spike look up. He couldn’t read her, an emotional turmoil reflecting in those strong and adorable green eyes.

“Are you staying the night, Buffy?” Angel intervened.

She blinked and broke her eye contact with Spike, realizing that her body was still moving in his direction. She stopped midway.

For that alone Spike could kill the older vampire. She was looking at _me_ , you selfish egocentric bastard!

“Yeah, I am.”

“Okay, I’ll go make the arrangements for you.”

“Thanks,” her eyes had already gone back to Spike’s, and Angel left the room. “So, you’re really back.”

“Yeah. Wait. How did you…?”

“Angel called me today.”

“Oh. Guess I’ve annoyed the ponce too much.”

“Yeah, Spike, maybe you have. What I don’t understand is why you didn’t talk to me.”

“And say what exactly?”

“Oh, I don’t know Spike. How about ‘I came back, stop mourning me’?” he saw pain flash in her eyes for a millisecond, just before she turned around and left the room, two tears running down her cheeks.

He was taken aback for a moment. Was she crying? Did she really miss him?

He started to follow her down the corridor. “Buffy…”

“Leave me alone, Spike.”

He wouldn’t let her, of course. He would hold her tight and wipe away her tears. Until he realized that he couldn’t. Feeling powerless, he stopped following her. For now.

She passed Angel on the corridor. With her head down, she took her bedroom keys and thanked him.

“You stupid childe! What did you say to her?”

“Ironically, this time it’s what I didn’t say.” he answered, more to himself than to Angel.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Buffy woke up with a tingling sensation on the back of her neck, one she never thought she’d feel again. She kept her eyes closed, reveling in the feeling and postponing the dreaded talk she was sure would follow. Spike probably knew she was already awake, but made no sound. Last night she had walked into her room and fallen onto the bed, crying. As the exhaustion of the tears wore her down and she began to drift off to sleep, she could feel the familiar presence unconsciously soothing her.

She had no idea of what to say to him. Just before he died, she had finally admitted her feelings, but he mistook the words for pity. Right then and there, she realized there was no time to convince him of her love for him and it was all her fault. He had wished to die and nothing she did would’ve proven that what she felt was more than friendship or pity. Her time for happiness had been up and she had no one else to blame but herself for wasting it.

When she finally opened her eyes, she saw Spike sitting on the floor in the corner of the bedroom, his back seemingly supported by the wall behind him. He kept his gaze down, staring at the carpet.

When he looked up, those intense blue eyes wreaked havoc with her heart. His face serious, his eyes held just the slightest glint of innocence. Like a boy who was lost, unable to understand how his ground kept disappearing from beneath his feet. A wave of guilt washed over her: she felt deeply hurt, but based on what exactly? Their non-existing relationship? Her unknown love for him? Truth was, she had no right to act wounded and blame him for it.

“Hey.” she said, still lying down.

“’Morning.”

“I’m sorry...”

Her apology took him a little by surprise as he had meant to say the same to her. Her strong reaction to his return had confused the hell out of him, but he should’ve predicted she would miss him as a friend. He stayed with her through all of her crying the night before, endured every tear and every sob from behind her door, as punishment for his stupidity. Only as her breathing steadied and slumber spared her tired eyes, he allowed himself to get inside. In the morning light, her face still bore the signs of her distress: she looked tired and her eyes remained a bit swollen. She still looked like an angel.

“No, Buffy, I am sorry. Had I known… had I thought for a second that you would be sad, I would’ve called.” He said, serious. Then a smirk began to form on his face. “Or rather deliberately annoyed the hell out of someone to call you for me… I believe the Poofter told you about my ‘predicament’.”

She missed that smirk… She used to take it for granted and roll her eyes at him whenever his smugness or infuriating amusement reflected on his face.

She still rolled her eyes at him. “Yeah, walking through walls, huh? Pretty convenient ability for a pervert like you.” she teased.

“You wound me, Slayer, I’m a perfect gentleman” he feigned a hurt expression, joining the game. “Are you naked under there?” the easiness between them led him to add, in a husky and seductive voice that wasn’t meant to be so.

A flick of heat darkened his eyes before his words and tone fully registered in his mind. Before he could regret it, Buffy challenged him. “If I am, what are you gonna do about it?”

She hadn’t meant for their conversation to go to such a dangerous place. But his question reminded her of one of the many opportunities she missed before and she just couldn’t resist replying this time.

Spike could’ve sworn he’d seen desire reflected in her green eyes as she teased him defiantly. Then again, when it came to her he had a way to fool himself into believing what his heart wanted to believe.

There was, however, something different about her. Certain boldness, a little bit of a devil-may-care attitude that balanced her more gentle, fragile side. It made him wonder what else she had lost while he wasn’t around. Before getting too engrossed in such grim thoughts, he decided to lighten things up. “Kicking me in the gut ain’t fair, pet. I’m only a ghost, you know?”

She bit her lip in frustration. She shouldn’t have dared him… It only made her want him, his touch, even more. Besides, she had to find a way to prove him that she _loved_ him, not that she was _horny_. “My bad, I forgot… So, you’re going through people and furniture?”

“Yeah, gotta be damn glad that the floor holds me.”

“So, your whole back-against-the-wall posture is just a fake?”

“Well, yeah. Couldn’t have you freaking out when half of my body disappeared into the other room, now, could I?”

So he had been in that uncomfortable position for how long now? An hour, two?

She suddenly sat down on the bed and pulled her covering sheet from beneath the comforter. She wasn’t naked, of course, having cried herself to sleep still fully dressed, except for her boots. She got off the bed, taking the sheet along with her and moving in his direction. He lifted a questioning brow while watching her sit just a few inches across from him, pull the sheet over her exposed shoulder and lie down on her side, her head resting against her arm.

She motioned, waiting for him to do the same. When he didn’t, she spoke. “Come on, Spike, lie down.”

He finally complied, his body positioned just a few inches apart from hers. They both stared intently into each other’s eyes as if nothing else in the world mattered, or existed even. The indirect light that penetrated from the window made his blue eyes so very bright that she felt she could stay like that forever, losing herself in him. All the hurt and the anger she felt the day before seemed to fade. A single tear escaped her eyes – one that tried to express all the feelings inside. “I’ve missed you.”

“Shh, don’t cry, luv. I’ve missed you too.” he wanted to run a hand through her hair, tuck the strand that rested against her cheek behind her ear and bring her head over his chest. “Rest a little, pet, I’ll stay here with you.”


	3. Chapter 3

**To catch a heart**

**Disclaimer** : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
I’m just someone with a secret obsession with Spuffy and the creativity to play around with it ;)

* * *

This time around, Buffy’s body complained at her choice of bed. The hard floor, covered by a not so soft carpet and an uncomfortable pillow – her arm, now numb from sustaining the weight of her head. Her soul, on the other hand, felt less shattered, less immersed in the constant state of loss and suffering that described her life as a slayer.

She almost smiled to herself: Spike was watching her sleep. She knew it even before opening her eyes; she could feel his sweet and penetrating gaze through her closed eyelids. But the forewarning didn’t prevent the cold, contracting feeling in her stomach or the conflicting hotness of her skin when she opened her eyes and caught him admiring her. She felt like a teenager - how could he not notice?

“Hey, luv.”

“Hi.”

“So, you came to L.A.”

“Yes, I did.”

An uncomfortable silence followed, as Spike was afraid to ask her why she had come, and Buffy was anxious about letting him in on her reasons. But the question filled the air nonetheless, making them both tense. Feeling the need to do something, she sat up, resting her back on the bed and avoiding his stare. Spike stretched out next to her, propping himself up on one elbow to face her.

The door suddenly opened, and they didn’t know if they were glad or annoyed at the interruption. That is, until they saw Harmony standing there.

Yep, they were definitely annoyed.

“Blondie bear, Angel sent me here to…and the Slayer is here! Wow, now I get why Angel is sulking more than usual.”

They stood up and turned to face her. “Harm.”

“You know, I think I can tell his brooding face from his sulking face now, oh, and from his annoyed face, too.”

Spiked sighed, impatiently. “No, you can’t. They’re all the same. Now, why did he send you here?”

“He wanted me to check on you. I didn’t understand why you would be here and not in his room, where you were staying before, but since you don’t have a body you could be pretty much anywhere, so I thought, “Maybe he’s just passing the time and haunting a guest or something.” But now that _she_ is here, it kinda makes sense….” and she kept on going… On and on and on...

Buffy blinked several times, having forgotten the verbal diarrhea that was Harmony. Spike spared a glance at Buffy and snorted: her face was changing from shock to disbelief, bordering on insanity as the blonde vampire didn’t stop for a breath – she didn’t _need_ air.

“Want to see a nifty little trick, luv?” Spike whispered to Buffy, not really waiting for an answer. In a louder voice, he added. “Well, seems like you birds have a lot to catch up on and some good old stories to remember – you know, slaying, abducting little sisters, that kind of stuff. I’ll just go for a walk and leave you to it.”

Spike went through the wall into the next room and it took Harmony a whole minute for his words to sink in. She, kidnapping Dawn, the Slayer’s _sister_. When they did, her face froze in panic. “Blondie bear, don’t leave me alone with the Slayer, she has _stakes_! Wait for me!”

As soon as she fled, Buffy smiled and closed the door. Only a few seconds later Spike came back through the wall, smirking.

“I gotta hand it to you, pretty nifty. How long do you think she’ll be looking for you?”

“Well, it is Harmony, so I’m thinking an hour or so.”

They smiled at each other – they excelled at the witty, non-consequential talk. The serious, life-changing and deeply emotional stuff? Yeah, not so much.

“I think I’ll go take a shower now.”

“Mind if I wait around?”

“No, but I’ll probably need something to eat later.” She fiddled with her hands, hesitating over her next words, not really wanting nor knowing how to say them. “Then I guess I should go talk to Angel.”

The change in his expression and voice was instantaneous. “I guess you should.”

“You could go with me.” she suggested, wanting to erase his sullen look.

His only answer was a brief insincere smile that never reached his eyes. “Go take your shower, pet. I promise I won’t peek.”

When she left the bathroom, he was no longer there.

* * *

Spike felt like kicking or breaking something. What had he been thinking? That they would live in that bloody bubble of a room and be happy ever after?

Sooner or later, Buffy and Nancy-Boy would go back to pining for each other and he didn’t want to be there to witness it this time. Not unless he could hit the ponce. Hard.

Since he couldn’t, he would just take a nice long walk along deserted hotel corridors. That was a good idea, wasn’t it? He stopped. “Oh, bugger…Who am I trying to fool?” he said to himself, exasperated, before turning towards Angel’s room.

* * *

“Hey, Angel.”

“Buffy, come on in.” Angel motioned for her to take a seat on his bedroom couch. “I was expecting to see you earlier.”

“I know. Sorry, I just… got held up.”

“By _Spike._ ” he hissed.

She chose to ignore his tone. “I really appreciate you calling me. I really do.”

“Yeah, I’m over the moon with joy.”

“Angel.” she said, in a warning tone. She wasn’t about to just sit and take crap from him, no matter how grateful she was.

“Seriously, Buffy. _Him_?”

“I seem to recall a very similar conversation not very long ago. I believe my words were ‘is that your business?’ I think the point still stands.”

“Yeah, but…you and _Spike_?”

“Me and Buffy what?”

Spike had entered the room, catching them both by surprise. Buffy stood up, startled.

“Spike! I thought you weren’t coming.” She looked between the two vampires. Casting a meaningful glance at Angel, she continued. “We were just… discussing a way to get your body back!”

Angel looked back at her, incredulity stamped all over his face. So, Spike had no idea.

“Yeah?” _Liar_. He could smell trouble in paradise from a mile away. Whatever Angel had said to her this time had gotten her really angry. But if she didn’t want him to know what it was, so be it. “Any luck?”

“None yet. But we’ll think of something.”

As Angel recovered from the surprise, a petty and childish feeling took over him. He knew he shouldn’t, but simply couldn’t stop himself. “So, Spikey, you’re just clueless?”

Buffy’s eyes grew wider. Oh no, he wasn’t doing what she thought he was doing.

“What do you mean?”

“No idea whatsoever? Huh,” he gloated.

Buffy had to stop him. _Now_.

Before she could, Spike’s ghost disappeared.

“Angel, what did you do to him?” she asked, infuriated.

“Nothing!”

“I’ll only ask this once…”

“Buffy, I really don’t know what happened to him.” His expression was just as shocked as hers.

“Oh, God.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for the kudos! :)  
> From this chapter forward, this story is beta'ed by nowinlivingcolor! Big fat beta love to her!  
> Hope you enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

**To catch a heart**

**Disclaimer** : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
I'm just someone with a secret obsession with Spuffy and the creativity to play around with it ;)

* * *

"Come on, please…pick up the phone…." Buffy and Angel had rushed back to her room in the hope of finding Spike there, but no such luck – his ghost was nowhere to be seen. Angel stared at her empty room as if Spike would appear any second now. Buffy knew better; this wasn't one of Spike's ghost tricks. She hurried to the phone and dialed as fast as she could. As she painfully waited, she unconsciously started to twist the old phone's cable in an attempt to maintain her composure. The frenetic yet pointless movement only managed to knot the old cable, much like her dread was doing to her stomach. "Come on…Willow! It's Buffy, I need your help."

"Buffy, hi, what's wrong?" The redhead's voice sounded vaguely sleepy, but the years of near-death and end-of-the-world situations had robbed the shock out of late night calls.

"I need you to do a spell."

All traces of sleepiness vanished from Willow's voice. "Oh my God, is everything okay? Did someone get hurt?"

"No." It was an answer to both questions, just not a very true one. The uncertainty of 'I don't know' would only make them waste time. Right now, every second counted. "I need to find Spike."

"Spike? But isn't he, you know, dead?"

"No, sorry, I didn't get a chance to tell you. Short version is: Spike is back…or was back. His ghost! His ghost was back and then it wasn't. I need you to find him, Will."

"Buffy, let's just slow down for a second… How did he come back? Like a revenging poltergeist? Or…or more like 'I'm a soul with unfinished business' sort of ghost?"

"Neither one. I'd say something along the lines of 'Hey, I got resurrected and nobody saved me a body'. Can you help now?"

"Oh, okay. I suppose I can try the demonic locator spell, do you have something that belonged to him? That will make it easier to tell him apart from all the horned, green-ish demons."

"Um…I have a t-shirt, a black one, it's in my bedroom. Can you get it?" she wasn't looking at Angel, but she could feel his glare burning the back of her neck at that last part. To hell with his vampire hearing. She so didn't have time for his jealousy right now.

"I'll get it. I'll call you as soon as I'm done."

"Okay, thanks Will."

She hung up the phone, ignoring the tangled cable, before turning to face Angel. She was looking for a fight – any word that could be used as an excuse to punch his face would do. But he denied her even this small satisfaction. He just stood there, staring at her as if she looked like a lost puppy.

Perhaps she did, but kicking his ass would make her feel more like herself. The adrenaline would take away the pain and the action would distract her terrified mind. By depriving her of that release, Angel was letting her drown in the hopelessness of Spike's loss all over again. She had come to terms with his death before; he had died saving the world. And she had cried every night since then, wishing she'd been more selfish and pulled him out of the Hellmouth. There would be no excuse this time. Her first priority should've been getting his body back; if anything happened to him, it would be her fault. If he dies permanently this time, she won't be able to live with herself.

When it became clear that Angel wouldn't say a word, she abandoned her aggressive stance and curled up by the phone. She braced herself for Willow's call. She needed her best friend to give her a mission – kill a demon, beat a warlock - hell, defeat an evil god again. But the darkest scenarios kept worming their way into her head. What if he didn't come back? What if she never saw him again? What if his resurrection had been a fluke, a temporary thing?

When the phone rang, she jumped at it, almost knocking the handle from the base. "Will? Did you find him?"

"Buffy, it's bad. It's really bad." The details never came. A deafening scream filled their ears only seconds before a disfigured body materialized before Buffy's eyes.

It took her longer to get out of shock than it took her mind to attach a name to the body. _Spike_. The abused creature covered in burns was _Spike_. The more she looked at him, the more gruesome the details became. His clothing was ragged; acrid claw marks tore his shirt, partially revealing a chest savaged by piercing wounds. But it was his eyes that revealed most of the pain he was feeling– the vivid blue bearing a raw, tortured look, standing out from the cuts and bruises marring his face.

Her hands shaking, Buffy loosened her grasp on the phone. She couldn't look away. She couldn't blink even when tears started fogging her vision. Before abandoning the phone to the ground, she managed to say with a broken voice, "Willow, I need you here."

She took a step forward and his body went stiff, his nostrils flaring like a taunted animal. His reaction made her move a little slower. She called his name in a low, soothing tone, "Spike…it's me, Buffy."

Something about her voice sparked a flash of recognition in his eyes.

He was on the ground before she could get to him. The pain was too great; the need to stand up to the torture had been the only thing keeping him standing. But now he had escaped. Buffy was there. His split lips and injured tongue didn't stop him from whispering her name like a prayer, "Buffy."

Her heart breaking at the sight of him, she knelt beside him, cursing herself mentally for not being able to touch him, to tend his wounds. "I'm here, Spike, I'm right here, you'll be okay."

Angel had remained incredibly quiet. A strange sense of empathy awakened in him. It wasn't his place to be concerned with Spike, but he felt relieved that Buffy was there for him. He knew those injuries, having experienced them himself. Only Hell could do that to your soul. When the trace of a different scent filled the air, he used it as an excuse to leave. "Willow's here. I'll go find her."

Buffy was only then reminded of Angel's presence in the room, but his strange words barely registered. It felt like it had been hours since she talked to her friend. Spike nestled on the floor between the bed and the wall. Fatigue took its toll and he slumbered, his wounds slowly beginning to heal.

"Thank God." she whispered, watching his injured face. She stole a pillow from the bed and carefully lay down by his side. Buffy watched as the nasty cut on his cheek started to close, but the exhaustion caught up with her and she fell asleep before it healed completely.

Only a couple of hours had passed when Buffy woke. She was still tired, but last night's events had disrupted her dreams and made it impossible for her to go back to sleep.

Spike was still resting. All the injuries from his body had closed. The lack of evidence, much like his now peaceful face, meant nothing. After watching Spike sleep for a few minutes, Buffy got up and went to the bathroom. A cold splash of water on her face would help her fully function. For some reason, the icy feeling of the cold water brought back Angel's words to her memory. Willow was there, and she had to talk to her about Spike.

Not wanting to leave Spike alone, Buffy retrieved the phone from the ground and dialed Angel's number. Turned out she wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep.

* * *

Willow knocked lightly on the door and Buffy quickly let her in. Their faces mirrored each other. Swollen, tired eyes, puffy faces and messy hair, complete with synchronized yawning.

"Hey, Will."

"Hi, Buffy."

They felt like hugging each other, but that would only lead to an uncontrollable stream of tears and sobs and more hugging. That wasn't a door they were willing to open just yet. They shared an understanding look and a half-smile instead.

"Sorry it took so long for me to see you." Buffy furrowed her brows. "How did you get here so fast?"

"Well, you see…I…I did a teleportation spell."

"Willow!" Buffy's eyes widened in surprise. That wasn't your everyday sort of spell. It was dangerous and daring - two words that didn't really describe Willow.

"I know it was risky, but look - I'm still in one piece!" Her voice softened, careful not to wake Spike. "And you'd do the same for me, if you were a witch, of course, instead of a slayer. You would go take a bunch of candles and say, 'My best friend needs me, so I'm teleporting myself, flatulence be damned!'" Her belly chose that moment to grumble loudly. "Actually, I think I need to use the bathroom again."

"It's right this way."

Willow hesitated. "Uh, Angel got me a room; I think it's best if I go there. But I'll come back soon."

"Okay." Buffy walked with her to the door. "And, Will…thank you."

Willow just smiled before sprinting cutely down the corridor.

After closing the door, Buffy walked carefully by Spike's side, reaching for her bag. It was taking her a while to find her hairbrush, a search she completely abandoned when Spike let out a sore moan. "Did you by any chance pack a pair of red knickers, luv? You look really hot in them."

"You're such a pig. Okay, I guess that rules out brain damage." She turned to face him; he was stretched out in a pretty inviting position. Not allowing herself to get distracted, she added, "How are you feeling?"

"Still a little charred, but I guess that's what happens when Hell tries to bloody barbecue you." He chose to downplay his pain and she decided not to push him.

"So you were really in Hell?"

"I'm afraid so, pet. The whole fire and torment atmosphere tends to give it away. Was Red here? I can smell her on you."

"That's gross…and yes, I asked her to come. We're gonna find a way to get your body back."

"I sense a Scooby research meeting coming up." His glum tone ruined his every attempt to make light of the situation. He kept on trying, though. "Thanks, luv. This whole ghost thing is getting really boring. Did I mention it's bloody painful too?"

"Don't worry; I'm sure we'll find a way."

"Mind if I take a walk around while you search? I'm still sore and it's not like I can go through books. Well, I guess I can…."

"Just not in a very helpful way, I get it. Will you be okay?"

"Don't need a bloody babysitter, Slayer. Unless you're volunteering?"

Sneaky…two could play this game. "Yeah, I was gonna say Angel."

"I'm outta here."

He had turned to leave and she was fighting herself not to tell him to stay. "Spike," He looked back at her, clearly annoyed. "Be careful."

He caught the pleading look in her eyes: _don't fade away._ It melted his annoyance instantaneously. "I'll be okay, luv."

* * *

"So, tell me again why it is that only the two of us are hitting the books? I thought Angel had a team. " Buffy looked at the two piles of books stacked in front of her. Seven books on the left, two on the right, and a freshly started one opened in front of her. It had been hours, and despite her hopeful wishes, the bigger pile wasn't the one of read books.

"Well, they sent us the books and they're running the firm while Angel's helping us. This Senior Partners thing is so creepy. I thought demons were as bad as they get, you know, but demons with _lawyers_? That's a whole other level of evil."

"Kinda makes you nostalgic about the old demonic world-domination schemes, doesn't it? I never thought I'd prefer those."

"Me either. But Wesley is doing some research as well. He has this neat library back at the office. I bet Giles would be so jealous."

"That means you're jealous, too."

"Guilty… Okay, time to get back to the books!"

Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. At that moment, Angel came into the room.

"Okay, who wants to take a break?"

Buffy looked expectantly at Willow.

"Go on, Buffy. I'll take the next one."

"You're the best, Will. I'll go take a shower, and see you in an hour or two."

* * *

Buffy had just gotten out of a very long shower. She dressed quickly in the hope of getting some sleep, but her hair was still damp. She had begun drying it out when the ringing phone interrupted her.

"Buffy?"

"Dawn, hi." Buffy had forgotten about her sister amidst the chaos. "Are you okay?"

"Me? How do you think I am? First you make me stay here, then you don't even call to let me know what's going on, and now I find out Spike's going to Hell?"

"I guess you talked to Willow. Did she tell you everything?"

"Duh, it's _Willow_. And I tried calling you this morning, but you weren't answering so I tried _again_ a while ago, and still no answer. Then I called Angel. I'm pretty sure his forehead was all broody while we had the quietest conversation of my _life_. So he passed the phone to Willow."

"Okay, I get that you're angry with me, and I'm sorry." Buffy really was sorry, but all she could think now was 'Poor Willow'. Facing a manipulative Dawn wasn't for the faint of heart. "You used your vulnerable voice on her, didn't you?"

"My vulnerable voice? I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, you know; the one that goes along with your puppy-eyed face."

"Hey, it's not my fault." Dawn protested in indignation. "You slay, I guilt people into telling me things. It's a survival skill."

"Right." Buffy couldn't help but smile. "So you called just to express your feelings or…"

"I wanna know how Spike is. Do you know why this is happening to him?"

"Not yet. He's not doing so great, but he's dealing with it. In a tough guy kind of way."

"So he's adopting your style, huh?"

"Not funny."

"Not meant to be."

There was a short-lived silence before Dawn put her machinations to work. "So did you tell him yet?"

"No…but I will! Soon."

" _Buffy_."

Dawn's exasperated voice was shortly followed by a husky, completely different one on Buffy's side of the line. "Tell me what, pet?"

"Okay, that was too soon. I gotta go, bye Dawn!" She hung up the phone before Dawn could protest, then slowly turned to face Spike. "Spike! Have you've been here long?"

"Not really. Was that Niblet on the phone?"

"Yeah, she called to ask about you." Only after saying it she realized her mistake. Good, Buffy, because that doesn't sound suspicious at all! Her brain could start working with her mouth anytime now!

He lifted a brow, wary of her weird reactions. "And you hung up before she could talk to me?"

"Good point. Sorry."

"So, what is it that you have to tell me?"

"Me?" It was a stall, Buffy knew, but she needed a little more time to get her thoughts straight.

"There's nobody else here in the room, luv." He waited patiently for her reply, her attempts to change the subject and poorly devised excuses were only succeeding in making him curious.

"Oh, right." She could lie, but this time her sluggish brain wasn't coming up with any bright ideas. Besides, Spike could always tell when she was lying. Funny thing was, he wouldn't believe her when she told him the truth. Maybe that was why he could tell when she was lying, he'd always assume she was and be right half of the time. Ok, more than half, she was mostly a big fat liar. But anyway, that was an interesting thought…and completely off-topic, since he was still waiting for an answer. She could do it… three little words, no insults, no lies, no sarcasm. Ok, here we go.

"Spike, I love you."

He stared at her intently, startled and confused. Since the serious look on her face never shifted into a 'you've been punk'd!' one, he looked away, pondering over her words. She could almost see the internal struggle when his eyes returned to hers after what seemed like forever. The surprise, the confusion, the denial, the conflict; yep, they were all there. Finally, realization shone in his blue eyes.

"Oh, bollocks! I'm bleeding dying again, aren't I? Did Red say something?"

Her mouth dropped open and she stared at him, dumbfounded. Seriously? She finally revealed her feelings, and that's his reaction? In what distorted dictionary was the expression 'I love you' translated as 'You're going to die a horrible death'?

Buffy clenched her hands. Her pupils contracted and she pursed her lips as perplexity wore off. She definitely wasn't stunned anymore.

"Shut up, Spike! I'm in love with you and you sure as hell won't die on me again, because I will stake you myself before you do, you got that?" As soon as she finished saying it, a wave of relief washed over her. She clearly should've tried insulting and threatening him from the beginning. The words just blurted out of her mouth.

They stared at each other in silence. Spike tilted his head to the side, his brow furrowing as he processed her words.

"I tried to tell you before, but you wouldn't listen. And I know it was my fault. I said it too late. Of course you didn't have to go ahead and die, you stupid bleached vampire. You're not allowed to die again without believing me. In fact, I forbid you from dying, period." She paused briefly to breathe before continuing, "And why are you so quiet? You always have a comeback, so stop my blabbering and put me out of my misery, please."

"You know, you can't go changing your mind whenever you sodding feel like it! 'Cause I've had enough of this _want-you-want-you-not_ game you've been playing. Brooding Forehead and I, right there at your disposal whenever you feel like entertaining yourself! We're not your bleeding playthings! We may not be humans anymore, but we have feelings, you know?"

"So you don't want me."

"Oh, for Heaven's sake Slayer, give a bloke a chance of faking some dignity!" He let out a heavy sigh. "Of course I want you, you stupid bint! I love you! I couldn't stop even if it bloody killed me, and it bloody well did."

"Sorry, I couldn't catch your meaning in the middle of all that cursing. What was it again?" She asked, the crooked smile on her face contradicting her words. He snorted before responding with a smile of his own.

"I love you, Buffy."

"I love you too, Spike." She knew her smile had grown into a really silly grin by now, but she couldn't control herself. And truth be told, she couldn't care less how she looked.

Spike took a step forward and tried to caress her face, careful so his hand wouldn't go through her skin. Buffy couldn't feel his touch. She felt cheated by all those supernatural romantic movies she'd seen all her life. Soon enough, her stupidity came crashing in on her - she should've waited until he got his body back! All she had accomplished by telling him now was torturing them both. What was the deal with those restrictions anyway? The PTB really liked to screw with her. First a no-sex restraint, now a no- _touching_ one? Unbelievable! But then she looked at him and felt stupid once again. His smile, the loving look in his blue eyes, the silly way he still had his hand against her face. His eyes held her as if she was everything, like she was a goddess even though she felt like a teenager.

She'd seen his devotion before, but all those times he had tried to conceal it, make it so that his love wouldn't scare her away. All the sweet moments they had shared before had been feeble displays of the intensity of his love; they didn't begin to do him justice. He'd do anything for her, anything at all. And yet, Buffy's insecurities were still there. She was so immature, so thickheaded. She knew she could be herself around Spike. She'd never have to pretend she was strong for his sake. But she wished she was, badly. Wished that he wouldn't have to be the one who always did the comforting, the one who always had to sacrifice himself. The one with everything to lose and nothing to gain.

It had taken a really long time, two deaths, tickets for Heaven and Hell, but he had become a part of her. And she would save him this time, no matter what.

"I don't want to interrupt the moment, really, because hey, I'm on Team Spike and you two are so adorable when you're not trying to kill each other."

They had been so immersed in each other that they hadn't notice the redhead entering the room. "I think the question here is why?" Buffy asked, wondering how much Willow had seen. Probably not the declaration of love or she would've left them alone. It was a girl code rule.

"Because Spike went looking for a way to be with you, he got a soul, and what did Angel… oh. You mean why I'm interrupting, not why I'm on Team Spike, right. I found a way to get Spike's body back."

They both turned to face her straightaway.

"Okay, that's a sound enough reason, Red. Do tell."

"You're not gonna like it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you who left kudos, to purrmonster for the comment, and to Name_____Me_____Nah and JustWaitAndSee for bookmarking! :)  
> And big fat love to my wonderful beta, nowinlivingcolor - she's amazing!  
> I hope you enjoy!


	5. Chapter 5

**To catch a heart**

**Disclaimer** : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
I'm just someone with a secret obsession with Spuffy and the creativity to play around with it ;)

* * *

The light footsteps on the floor above were loud and clear even for those in the room with no supernatural hearing. Willow had just finished explaining the spell again and Buffy was waiting for the others to process the idea. Waiting patiently (and quietly) wasn't really her style, but her mind was working in hyperdrive, conjuring up possible scenarios. She definitely wanted to avoid rushing into the spell and have her friends interrupting the incantation when she was too weak to stop them. That scenario, and obviously the one where she ended up dead, sucked. So yeah, they could think about it, and have all the doubts and fears brew inside. In the end, it was her blood – her decision.

Angel was the one who broke the silence. This atypically short brooding time was probably a record for him. "No, Buffy, it's too dangerous." _Peroxide's not worth the risk_ hung at the tip of his tongue.

Spike scrutinized Buffy's expression. This was the second time they had heard about the spell from Willow. And all the while, from Willow's interruption in Buffy's room to the relocation of the debate to Angel's quarters, Buffy hadn't uttered a single word about it. Yeah, like her face wasn't a dead giveaway. He shouldn't be surprised - if someone shouted 'Sacrifice!' from a thirty miles radius she'd come running before you could say 'stupid lamb'. _Well done Spike, you bloody made it to her loved ones list! And she's already making you regret it_. Oh, he'd kill for a cigarette, metaphorically speaking.

Shooting a quick sideways glance at Angel, Spike concurred in a deep voice, "I sodding agree with him, luv." The words left a sour taste in his mouth. He grunted and shook his head slightly, his eyes rolling up before continuing. "And I don't take Captain Forehead's side. Not bloody _ever_."

The whole _'Let them think about it'_ idea wasn't so good after all. Stressing her words, Buffy said, "It's the only way." Her eyes darted from Spike to Angel, finally stopping on Willow. The two vampires were against it, but her friend would support her. Girl power, right?

"We don't know that...not in a definitive _no-other-way_ way." Before even finishing her sentence, Willow recognized Buffy's expression and grimaced. Watching her pressed lips and strong gaze, along with the slight crease forming between her eyebrows almost made Willow stop talking altogether. But she was Buffy's friend, and friends must say unpleasant but necessary things when they are, well, _necessary_. Even if it means you're going to be completely ignored. "Maybe we should keep looking, Buffy."

"No, Will. We already have a spell and the main ingredient is standing right here. And since it's not dark magic…it's not dark magic, right?"

"No…but we're gonna need your blood, probably a lot of it. It's pretty dangerous, and it creeps me out too." Willow crossed her arms in front of herself, her right hand running up and down against her left arm. "Besides, there's no record of anyone trying it before and I'm not sure I can pull it off. It-it might not work and… and even if does, you could die."

"You said the same thing last time. Then you went all white and bright, and _adiós_ First Evil!" Judging by Willow's wrinkled brows and troubled eyes, the pep talk failed big time. That might have something to do with Buffy conveniently leaving out the part where Spike, Anya and a bunch of others _died_. But what could she do? Motivational speeches were about overcoming obstacles, not getting killed by impending apocalypses. "Okay, there's a huge list of cons, I get it. But it's still all we got."

"Buffy…." Spike reached for Buffy's shoulder with his hand. The gesture would've had more impact if she could actually feel it. She turned to face him with a steely look, shutting him out.

"I'm not letting you go back to Hell." Spike recoiled a little, just as he used to in the split-second before his self-preservation kicked in. Buffy bit her tongue, cursing herself for the authoritarian tone. It came out involuntarily, an old pattern that had lead to them fighting just to spite one another in the past.

The snappy retort never came this time, only the hurt and openness reflected in Spike's eyes. Idiot, stupid, shithead Buffy! How could she hurt him? Not an hour ago she was professing her love for him, and her stomach had fluttered like the first time she ice-skated and she grinned as if it was Christmas. And now…now, she decided, would be last time she caused him any pain. If the two of them were to have a real shot this time, she would have to stop being so pushy. "I'm sorry. I know you hate spells with unknown consequences."

Inhaling slowly, Buffy tried to sort her own feelings without the Slayer's aggressive shell. Spike didn't want to go back to Hell, but he clearly wasn't onboard of the whole 'drain Buffy's blood so I can be real again' plan. And she wasn't so keen on the risking her life part as well. But worse than the possibility of saving his life and dying was watching him go to and through Hell. Why couldn't she ever have a dilemma that only involved the options 'night club' or 'movie'? Was it too much to ask? "I don't want to compete about who sacrifices themselves more. But if you keep going to Hell, it'll destroy us both slowly. And if you never come back…if you never come back, I don't know what I'll do with myself. So please let me do this for you. If for no other reason, let me do it because if the situation was reversed, you'd do it for me."

They stared at each other for a moment. The wistful look in her eyes reinforced by unshed tears, the small freckles of brown in the sea of green holding a kaleidoscope of feelings, some he was sure were mirrored in his own eyes. But there were two thoughts very specific and also very important, reflected in her gaze. The first one was that she knew, as did he, that Spike couldn't say no to her. If Buffy were going to Hell for forced holidays, there would be no thinking on his part. No waiting for a possibly nonexistent alternative. He wished he could say he'd leave her there to save his own skin. It would make him the worst liar aliv…undead. Not to mention it could regress their relationship to that painful stage of half-words and mixed signals. Following his chain of thought, Buffy flashed him an apologetic smile. The second, more crucial one was that this wasn't some sort of martyr complex that had rubbed off on her from her time with Angel. She _wanted_ to live. Her only condition was that they did it together.

And as her look conveyed all of that, his unbeating heart felt crushed inside his chest. How could he be so bloody happy and so sodding miserable at that same time? She bloody _loved_ him. She was willing to do _anything_ for him, even risking her own life. And he couldn't stop her. "I can't lose you, Buffy."

"You won't, I promise."

"You're agreeing with this?" Angel all but spat the words. His anger targeted neither Willow for suggesting the spell, nor Buffy for wanting to do it. He lashed out at Spike instead, for letting her.

"You'd prefer I say ' _No, Buffy, you can't do this'_ and run off to another city?"

That was it. Angel took a step forward, forgetting that Spike couldn't take any hits in his ghostly state. Spike didn't, though, a smug half-smile growing in his face, accentuating his high cheekbones.

Before Angel could throw a punch, Buffy moved swiftly between him and Spike. Her hand closed around his fist, countering his aggressiveness with an increasingly strong hold. When she finally got Angel's attention focused on her, her words came out through clenched teeth. "This is _my_ decision, Angel. I'm not weak or defenseless. And I sure as hell don't need someone who keeps his distance only to come galloping to save me from myself whenever we disagree. You make your own decisions, I think I deserve the same right."

And that must have hurt – at least, that's what Spike and Willow assumed. It was really hard to tell since suffering was Angel's everyday expression. After a dull stare at Buffy, the vampire stormed out of the room.

Buffy let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She had expected conflict, but that was…intense. She looked at Willow. Her expression looked like a cocktail – a cup of bewilderment with a twist of pride, on the rocks. Buffy's expression felt more like a glass of bottled emotions, spilled-over with an edge of freedom, umbrella on top. With an unspoken agreement, the two girls slumped on the couch. Spike sat on the floor, feigning a lean on the center table. He was still enjoying the kick from Buffy's words.

The debate had pretty much the same effect as a mystery novel for Willow. The pleasant yet unexpected displays of emotion kept her on the edge of a figurative seat. But the surprise made her miss something important, an implied piece of information that made her go back a few pages. When her mind managed to put the puzzle together, she spoke in a semi-accusatory tone. "You! The two of you! The bedroom moment…you're-you're a thing!"

Spike smiled at Red's sudden lack of coherence. He wanted to shout to anyone and everyone that Buffy loved him ever since she said the words. It was a juvenile feeling, but he didn't bloody care. They hadn't talked about it, but he assumed Buffy would want some time to prepare her friends for the news, which was the only thing that kept him from blurting it out when Willow showed her support before. He wanted to hug the little witch for figuring it out. His eyes never met Buffy's. All the nerve endings in his body were charged and if he looked at her he wouldn't keep his cool. He simply said, "She loves me," completely unaware that his smug smile and apparently indifferent words were deeply betrayed by his eyes.

Willow's mouth opened involuntarily, and her eyes widened. "She does?! I mean, you do?"

Buffy nodded, biting her lip to suppress a shy smile. She had learned from recent experience that if not stopped quickly, these things would grow into embarrassing grins. The smile was contained, but it didn't stop her voice from sounding coy. "Yeah."

Willow's happy expression appeared as quickly as it faded, her eyebrows scrunching towards her nose. "That's not fair, I'm the best friend. Shouldn't you tell me first?"

"Sorry…I was a little short on time."

"You're always short on time these days. First 'Spike's a ghost, sorry I didn't tell you, no time', and now this." Willow hugged a pillow, her shoulders hunching over it. She wallowed on the situation for a bit. Smiling bitterly, she continued, "Well, I guess it's okay. I already knew you loved him anyway."

 _That_ was unexpected. The shock echoed in Buffy's voice, adding a high-pitched tone to it. "You did?"

Spike interrupted the conversation again, letting out a fond chuckle. "Sorry to tell you, pet, but Little Bit inherited all the secrecy genes."

Wavering a little, Willow agreed, "He's right. Giles knows it, and so does Faith. Well, I'd say most of the Slayers know."

Buffy let out a disappointed breath. She thought her act was pretty convincing. Dawn knew, but she was an annoying lie-detector in the form of a teenager. "Great. Is there anyone who doesn't know?"

Willow's eyes grew wider in excitement, her lips thinning into a self-satisfied smile when she spoke. "Oh, Xander doesn't. You can tell him."

Buffy made a face. "Yeah, _that_ will go well."

As she imagined Xander's reaction, Angel stormed back into the room.

His return after such a dramatic exit puzzled them. They stared at him intently, half-expecting to see a second head sprout out of his neck.

"I'm still against the spell, just so we're clear. But I'm exhausted."

They kept staring at him, more confounded than before. He stood there staring back at them. Since nobody made a move, he widened his eyes, eyebrows shooting up. It was an indicative of…something. Willow's associative skill was the first to kick in. "Oh, right, your bedroom. We're leaving."

Buffy and Willow were out of the couch in a heartbeat and out of the door in two. Spike took his time getting up from the floor and walked to the door as slowly as he could. Even the fact that Angel couldn't complain about him leaving the door open made him gloat. There was no such thing as pissing the ponce off _too much._

When Spike left the room, his steps gained speed as he trailed after Buffy and Willow. He assumed the girls would split and go to their rooms and he'd finally have some alone time with Buffy. Yet Willow's door came and went as she walked past it, still on the path to Buffy's room. When he realized they had no intention of catching a wink he protested. "Where do you think you're going? It's sleep time for you birds. Don't fancy having sodding horns because one of you dozed off during the chanting."

Willow and Buffy turned to face him in a weird synchronism, making Spike feel slightly corralled.

Sizing him up, Willow said, "He's cute when he's worried, isn't he?"

Outraged, Spike let out an "Oi!" He thought it over, and yeah, still outraged. "Excuse me?"

Buffy just ignored him. Excited, she said to Willow, "Totally! The ' _I don't give a sodding damn about bleeding no one'_ act is so charming."

And then they _giggled_. He was trapped in a girly-girl conversation.

Spike looked up, raising his hands into an uplifted position for a moment. It was a silent complaint to whatever higher power that insisted on screwing him over. Nobody seemed to check the complaints box though, since the girls kept making emasculating comments about yours truly as they walked to Buffy's room. _Great, a sleepover!_ He snorted at the thought. "Oh, someone kill me now."

He would have to find another floor to sleep on this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to everyone who left kudos and to purrmonster for the comments!  
> I hope you enjoy! :)


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